trying to get myself together

at least i'm trying.  second weekend alone is going a little better than the first...i've been able to rein in the b/p a bit, and i still have managed to not take a drink.  i honestly can't believe i'm still sober.  if you had asked me a year ago whether i would be able to stay sober if my husband and i broke up, i would have said HELL NO.  but here i am...i've got a year and almost five months sober, i really don't want to start over.

i went to the grocery store yesterday.  it is so strange to go grocery shopping and not get t's usual stuff.  i stood by the cucumbers and had to remind myself that i didn't need to get any, i don't eat them.  it was so sad, i almost started bawling in the produce section.  anyway as i was walking to check out i took a look in my cart and thought "this is the shopping cart of a single person"  this is what i had:

four weight watchers smart ones
four yogurts
three cups of instant oatmeal
diet root beer
grapes
oranges

nothing that would remotely be involved in cooking a real meal.  i tried to explain to t so many times, if i lived alone i wouldn't cook.  he never understood why it didn't occur to me to cook dinner without him asking about it.