i just love Sundays...i teach my class in the morning, and am a lazy ass the rest of the day, usually with a nap or two. i think my husband gets frustrated with me because i never want to do anything or run any errands but i just can't. i work out so much during the week that my body is just exhausted and i feel like i can't move. of course i have to go down to the basement (i live on a 2nd floor apt) for about a million loads of laundry, and each trip takes me longer than the last, lol. but for the most part i am just a bum.
my pushups are coming along nicely though - i'm still on my knees but i'm getting closer to the ground :)
i told my psychMD that i wanted to stop the Ambien, he asked why, and i told him because i was tripping in between taking the med and actually falling asleep. i don't know if he was playing dumb to make me think or not, but he was like "what's wrong with that?" he said it's doing its job, i'm taking it under supervision, so if there's a pleasureable side to it why not enjoy it? i guess i see his point, i have such black and white thinking, but i'm afraid that i'm enjoying it too much, and that that enjoyment is a threat to my sobriety. like, ok, if i'm ok with this, then what? maybe a pill here or there for fun? and then maybe swipe one of my husband's vicodin every so often? and then back to drinking because, oh well i'm using anyway? i'm so afraid of ending up back where i started, even if that's at the expense of more black and white thinking.
It's so hard not to see things in black and white, i do it too, and rather then just enjoying things as they are i look down the path and see all these potential problems that could arise.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to draw lines and not cross them.