i'm just warning you ahead of time.
i feel so fucking lonely. yes, i am married and i love my husband, but we don't have one of those superclose, let's share every breath together, can't live without you relationships that disney and danielle steel novels promise. i have a couple friends whom i hardly see, and one friend that is up in my grill 24/7 and i wish i could get rid of her. but i don't feel like i connect with anyone, and i don't feel like i know how. that was one of my favorite things about drinking, going out with people, really feeling like i connected in a social way and felt understood (even though it was the alcohol doing the conencting), now i just feel awkward and uncomfortable and i never ever know what to say. so even in a big group, i feel like i'm on a lonely island.
plus, of course, i hate my fucking body. but more than that, i hate my fucking inability to achieve my goals. i look in the mirror or look down at my body and i see fat, i thus see failure. to me, it should be simple math: Goal = desire + dedication. i'm missing out on one or both, otherwise i would BE at my goal, or at least on my way!!! so much time has gone by, journal entries going back months and months say i'm around the same weight as now. something needs to change or i'm going to lose my mind.
I'm the same way with my friends. All of them have gone off and bonded with eachother since they go to the same school and I'm left feeling left out. :/
ReplyDeleteYou are totally capable of making the changes in your life that you need to be happy. Ask yourself, What do I think would make me happy? And go from there. ;)
Do you ever feel like an outsider? I do, I feel even though I have friends, like I am alone, very alone. Why do we feel that way?
ReplyDeleteI see fat too, when I look at myself. I bet you look incredible though, with all the exercise you do, I envy you. And you hardly eat anything too. Now, that I have opened that door, I cant stop eating, ugh!