T minus one week

My trial starts a week from Monday...let the real stress begin (as if last few weeks haven't been stressful!).  i'm at Barnes n Noble with my laptop and all my notes...i feel like i'm back in law school.  Starting about a week before finals, i practically moved into Starbucks.  By semester's end i was sick to death of the library so i would show up at 5am when they opened, push a bunch of tables together (which earned me several dirty looks over the course of the day) and spread out a shitton of books, outlines, study guides, my laptop, etc.  drank so much coffee that i couldn't keep my hands steady (although that might also have been stress) and studied until my brain melted...hobbled out of there around 7pm or so to go home and crash and do it again the next day.  Finals in law school make you wish you'd never been born, i should remember that when i'm stressed out now...it could be way worse...although there's always the chance of making an ass of yourself in front of a judge, jury, and your boss, and losing the trial, and getting fired....maybe i should stop trying to think of worse things.

thanksgiving.  ugh.  between food stress and work stress i am not looking forward to it.  here's the deal: ever since my dad started dating his girlfriend, spending the holidays with him means spending the holidays with her entire extended family.  they are nice and all, but honestly the last thing i want to do on a holiday is make awkward small talk with these people.  without alcohol in my system.  that plus the stress of the trial made the idea of thanksgiving with these people unbearable.  so, i pled with my h to skip it this year, instead the two of us are going to dinner someplace.  he was fine with it and i thought everything was set.

then he spoke to his mom.  when she was here, she had gone to lunch with dad's gf, who proceeded to tell her that if my h and i didn't come to Thanksgiving then i could forget about seeing my dad at Christmas, she would insist that they go see her family that lives in Connecticut.  WHAT THE FUCK.  Seriously, who does that!?  She is clearly manipulative, but why would she say that to my MIL??  This is also the woman who told her during her last visit that she thought i was spoiled rotten.  i am really starting to hate this woman.  so, i can either do what i want and have some peace and quiet this thursday, or i can bend to her stupid little games and get to see my dad on christmas.  and the shitty thing is, he would go along with whatever she wanted, even if it meant not seeing me on christmas, especially since he has no clue about her stupid manipulative shit.  even if he did, it wouldn't matter.  he has always gone for manipulative domineering bitches.  and the children always lose.  when he married my mom she all but forbade him from contact with my sister (from his previous marriage) and now it's looking the same again.

in therapy my psychMD is really trying to get me to focus on doing what i want, instead of what i think will make others happy and therefore will not hate or ostracize me.  how the hell can i do what i want (stay home on thursday) if it means losing out later?

i hate this shit.