day off

i had today off from work, and so far it has been pretty spectacular.  i slept in until 10 (which is unheard of!!), went to visit my friend that i hadn't seen in ages, and now i'm curled up on the couch.  i'll go to the gym and teach my class in a bit.  perfect.  plus, the bachelor is on tonight, lol!  i watch it for the sole purpose of texting snarky remarks back and forth with my friends, hee hee.  i've had a couple issues with nighttime snacking, so my goal for tonight is to not eat anything after i get home from class.

i've been kinda slacking on my weightlifting, and i'm starting to lose some of the strength i've gained, which is pissing me off!  but i am really waning on energy, too bad, gotta suck it up.

tomorrow is my mom's birthday.  i haven't talked to her in about two years.  she lives around here, but we never had a great relationship, she terrorized me the whole time i was growing up.  things improved a bit when i got older, but when she and my dad split up a few years ago she really lost it.  she became paranoid, angry, and a 24 hour drinker.  our relationship got really toxic, so i cut her out of my life.  i still feel really guilty about it - everyone says i did the right thing, that i have to take care of me and my mental health.  but i still feel like a horrible daughter.  and i wonder, were things really that bad?  maybe i should've given her another chance?  it's her birthday tomorrow and she will be all alone.  again.  my friend says that's her fault that she's alone. 

but i still feel like it's mine.