weekend

i have been feeling very anxious lately.  all this uncertainty, between my work and my H and my shoulder, is making life very difficult.

my psychMD offered when he saw me to prescribe me some seroquel or some risperidone.  he is not big on medications, but he seemed concerned.  i refused them.  i used to be on a shitton of seroquel, like 600mg a day, back when i was in the hospital and for awhile thereafter (before i started seeing this guy).  it took me forever to get off of it, and i'm really not interested in going backward.

i cleaned out my bathroom last week and came across my stash.  five years worth of stockpiled medication.  i haven't touched any of it in years, but i still had it.  i debated whether or not to throw them away, and for some reason i could not part with them.  my doc says there's probably a part of me that is not ready to recover, and hanging on to the meds is a way to hang on to the sick part of me.  i didn't like hearing that, but it makes sense.

food:

Saturday:

oatmeal
small dish lo mein
salad with chickpeas and couscous
1/2 pint ben and jerry's


sunday:

oatmeal
cereal with soymilk
greek yogurt
chicken soup

taught classes yesterday and today, and will teach tomorrow night.  i will take tuesday to rest my shoulder, then if i feel ok i will do a light workout on wednesday.